How to make new friends online: what if it started with a video?

We've never been more connected, and yet making a new friend after twenty-five is an uphill battle. The groups are already formed, the weeks are full, and the apps that promise to "meet people" almost all end in conversations that die by the third message.

The problem isn't a lack of people. It's that we try to start a friendship with a conversation, when in real life it almost always starts with a shared activity.

Why making friends online is so hard

The first-message wall

Writing "hey, how's it going?" to a stranger means asking them to do all the work: find a topic, be witty, keep it alive. Most people have neither the time nor the energy. So the conversation dies before it starts.

Groups that are already formed

Joining an existing server or group means walking into a conversation that's three years old, with its own habits and inside jokes. You read, you don't dare post, and eventually you leave.

The shift: share an activity, not a conversation

Think about your current friends. Almost none of them arrived through a one-to-one chat: there was a class, a job, a team, a trip — something you were doing together, and the conversation came on top of it, naturally.

Online it's the same. You need a simultaneous activity: a moment several people live at the same time, where talking is optional at first. That's what takes all the pressure off.

Why video is such a good starting point

It provides the topic for you

When everyone is watching the same thing at the same moment, you don't have to find something to say: the topic is on the screen. One reaction, one "wait, did you see that", and the conversation is running without anyone having had to introduce themselves.

It says who you are faster than a bio

What someone puts forward as a video says far more than three paragraphs of description: their humour, their music, their era. You spot the people you click with very quickly — and the ones you don't, which saves everybody time.

Nobody is put on the spot

No camera, no compulsory microphone, no round of introductions. You can take part by watching for the first few minutes, then suggest a video once you feel comfortable. For shy people, that's the difference between staying and leaving.

How it actually works

1. You join an open get-together

Some rooms are public: you walk in, you see who's there, and a video is already playing. No sign-up is needed just to watch — you can get a feel for the mood before joining in.

2. You suggest a video

That's your way of saying hello. You put a title forward, the random draw decides, and if yours comes up, everyone discovers it at the same time. It's a great icebreaker: you had nothing to explain, yet everyone already knows something about you.

3. You add the people you keep running into

When someone has the same humour or the same taste, you can add them to your apéro companions with one button. You find each other more easily afterwards, you can message them, and even send them ice cubes — the currency used to suggest videos.

Three tips to make it work

Come back two or three times. A friendship doesn't happen in one evening. It's the faces you run into again that become familiar — exactly like a bar you get into the habit of visiting.

Suggest things you genuinely like. The reflex is to suggest what the group will approve of. That's the mistake: you'll attract people who like what you're pretending to like. Put up what moves you, even if it's odd — especially if it's odd.

React to what others put on. A three-word message at the right moment beats a long introduction. It's the shared reaction that creates the bond, not the CV.

What this is not

This is not a dating site. There are no profiles to swipe, no matches, no emphasis on looks. You come to watch videos together and have a good time; connections happen on top of that, or they don't. It's friendship, in the plain sense of the word — like getting on with someone at the bar because you're both listening to the same thing.

That's also what makes the mood more relaxed: nobody is there to seduce, so nobody has to sell themselves.

Starting tonight

The easiest way to test it is to join a room in progress and stay ten minutes without saying a word. Watch what comes up, see whether the mood suits you, and suggest a video when you feel like it.

If you'd rather start with people you already know, our article on what to do with friends gives nine ideas to get an evening going, and the one on watching videos together remotely covers the technical side.

That's the whole idea, really: an apéro with your mates and your future mates. The first ones are already here; the others are one video away. Start your apéro and leave the door open.